Friday, 23 October 2015

England 'B': 90 Minutes of Hell by Richard Staines

Parallel Universe Publications is proud to announce that it has yet another collection scheduled for publication this year: England 'B': 90 Minutes of Hell by the infamous Richard Staines.

The collection includes six interrelated stories:
No Such Thing as a Friendly
A Game of Two Halves
The Ref's Decision is Final
Get Your Fritz Out for the Lads
Football's Dark Arts
They Think it's all Over

 What they are saying about Richard Staines:

 “Please get in all the Richard Staines horror books and chuck out all that other rubbish you have on the shelves.” The T.L.S. (Tooting Library Service), message left on their public noticeboard, 1975.

“Richard Staines is one of the most valued contributors to our magazine and we are glad to have him, despite the avalanche of protests. No animals were actually harmed in the photo-spread referred to.” Readers Wives editorial, 1977.

“Unfortunately, the jury have not been able to reach a verdict due to food poisoning, hit and run incidents, and the disappearance of close family members, but the great British public outside this courtroom will doubtless make up its own mind about your filthy, depraved, sickening and contemptible books. Case dismissed. You may leave the dock.” Lord Justice Haigh (deceased), summing up in the case of Regina vs Richard Staines, 1978.

“Many horror authors insult the intelligence of the people. Staines not only does this but is a bloody good read, too. He is the future of horror in the 1980s.” Anonymous letter to Colour Climax, 1979.

“We do not feel under any obligation to have to respond on a point by point basis to your repeated claims that the Nobel Prize committee for Literature have deliberately overlooked your horror fiction and cannot undertake to reply to any further letters on this matter.” Official letter from Lars Svenson (deceased), Nobel Prize Award Committee, Secretary, 1979.

“That snob and has-been Dennis Wheatley has never lived in a council flat on a Peckham estate with only cheap cans of lager, a black and white telly, and Yes and Genesis records to keep his muse lubricated. Dennis Wheatley's simply not as socially relevant in today's world as a “man-of-the-people” like Richard Staines. The truth is that Wheatley recognises all this and was just being a dick when he refused to write the introduction to Staines' book Psycho Flasher.” Anonymous letter to The International British Black Magic and Horror Club Newsletter # 8, 1975.

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